Funny or Not? Vol. 18

Here are some quotes I found today.

Funny? Or not? Comment and let me know what you think!

"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants." A. Whitney Brown

"Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings."

"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ..." - Louis Hector Berlioz

"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman." - Maryon Pearson

"Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling."

"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'." -Homer Simpson

"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."